Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
