Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
