I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
