so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
