go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
