We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
