you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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