Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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