If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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