Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
