there's paper in my vomit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
