Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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