Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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