i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
