we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
