i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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