There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
