I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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