I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
