I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just pee around me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
