Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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