I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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