dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
