Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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