sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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