Umm I'm too high to move.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
