I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
