i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
