going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
