I'm going to jail i love you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
