I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
