so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
