If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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