I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
