I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
