I got chris browned last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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