how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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