toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
