I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
