Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he shaved USA in his pubs
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
