well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
