so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
