is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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