it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
