Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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