Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize