Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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