You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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