I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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