my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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