I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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