Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
