I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
