You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
