they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
