just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize