There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i now understand why vodka
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
