On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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