My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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