Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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