What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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