all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
