She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
