My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
